Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
