we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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