Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
