So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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