Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
