90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
