He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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