Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
