I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
