Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
