I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
