ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
