while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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