FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
