There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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