oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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