On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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