do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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