We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
