just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
