you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are we still banned from the library?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
