Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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