I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
