he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
