remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
