found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
