...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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