i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
