Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
