You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
we should paint friendship bongs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
