my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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