If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
