im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
