I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
