can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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