I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I FOUND THE LEGS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
