i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
