I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
