I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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