Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize