Whod you bang
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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