I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
