Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
