Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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