I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
