Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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