Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nicole vs. Life
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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