her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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