why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she peed on how many people?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
