so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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