I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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