I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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