so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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