Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
