Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
