Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
