I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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