Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
