It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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