It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
