Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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