It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
