I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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