you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
