Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
