You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
