just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
