get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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