When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
