I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
