Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
