Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
