So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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