Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All the doctor said was why
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
