he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
