You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
