the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
