this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
